bruises

Do you ever have random bruises on your body? Cause right now I do, and Im not really sure where they came from. I don't really remember banging into anything.
You know what really makes me mad? What makes me mad is when I bang my body part on furniture. Like seriously>
Maybe I just need glasses, and that would explain why I walk into things.

I think the worst is probably stubbing your toe.

No sleep for meeeee

I try to go to sleep at a decent time. So when ten rolled around, I was already in bed, tv off, just laying there, attempting to go to bed. Seriously WHAT IS THIS? I spend probably two hours tossing and turning in my bed. I check my phone. I check Twitter. I check Facebook. I check Instagram. I still can't go to sleep. What to do, what to do. Count sheep? Get something to eat? Text? no no and no.
A few hours later I fall asleep, only to wake up at four in the morning. by the time I fall back asleep its six in the morning. FANTASTIC. In thirty minutes, my alarm will be going off. What do I do? I decide to turn my alarm off and just not go to class that day.

Sometimes I wonder why I have such restless nights. I read this thing once that said....
legend has it that when you can't sleep, its because you are awake in someone elses dreams.

Random

I really wish I could drop out of school, and become a free spirit. Okay not really, that was a little to far.

I really want to take a semester off school. I just need time to go off and do what I want to do. The saying, once you take a semester off, you'll never go back is not something I agree with. Its not that Im undecided  with what I want to do with my life, its just Im not serious about school. I need a break from school. I cannot stand doing repetitive things. and the last four years of my life have been nothing but a schedule.

I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.


I also need to start working out. No I don't think Im fat or need to work out, but  I would like to be toned again. I eat like crap, but my motto is, eat like this while you can. Before you know it ill be fifty wishing I could eat all the stuff im eating now. Im probably clogging my arteries before my eyes.

I don't understand why high school girls think its the end of the world because they don't have a relationship. Seriously, kids are saying I love you after a week of dating. Sheesh these kids are in love with every boyfriend they have.

Writing

I use to absolutely hate English. I thought it was the dumbest subject on earth besides math of course. I hated it so bad because it caused me to think deeply of things, and I didn't want to go that deep into my thinkings.
Writing is very therapuetic. I realize that my writing doesn't really make sense and thats okay, because I know what Im talking about and thats what matters. I had to keep a journal all last semester in english, and I really liked that. Sometimes I refer back to it, just to see how I was feeling at a certain time, or what I was talking about. I like writing because I can vent about anything and everything as much as I want too. I can repeat myself, I can say things that I would never say to anybody else.

Monday

I do the same thing every Monday.

I wake up at 6:45
, shower, get ready.
I leave my house at 7:30
Go to class 8-10:50
Work 12 to 7
Come home
Eat dinner
Watch tv
Go to bed.


I don't do very well in school. I don't apply myself.
Im the type of person, who won't excel in anything if Im not interested in the subject. Quite frankly math is my worst subject, and Im failing miserably. I wish math was one of my greater strengths but it just isn't. Im great at science. And thats about it.

You say

You say that you love rain,
but you open your umbrella when it rains,
You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines,
You say that you love the wind,
but you close your windows when the wind blows,
This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.
_
William Shakespear.


I say all these things, and I do all these things. I feel as a society we are never truly happy. When it's cold, we wish for it to be hot. When it's hot we complain endlessly about the temperature, and all we really want to do is stay inside in the air condition.

We love the rain, but when it rains to much, we wonder when it's going to end. We get mad when we get wet. As girls WE FUSS if our hair gets wet, because then it's going to frizz, or become un tameable.

I love this so much, and I find this to be true.

The other Sly

Mike is seven years older than me, and the best brother in the world. I don't get to see him as much as I would like to, because he lives in Bolivar. Mikes a cop just like my dad, which I think is funny. When Mike was in high school, he use to get in trouble alllllll the time. When we would go out of town, he would throw parties, and always get caught. One time Mike actually got away with a party but that only lasted for about two months. A cop was called out to our house for a party, and had actually come in to scope out the house, and left Mike with a warning. Two months later, the cop had come up to my dad, and was like hey man you have a pretty nice house. My dad was like whaaaat?, when have you seen my house? Anyway Mike got busted when dad came home. Mike also got two MIPS when he was in highschool, and one time my dad had to go pick him up from jail. I never thought Mike would become a cop, but he sure did. I think Mike is harder on me than my dad is, just because Im his baby sister. Mike and I are so close, I don't know what I would do with out him.

My cousin Bailey

My cousin Bailey is 15 now, and lives in Georgia. Like most cousins, when they are young they don't really get along, and they kind of hate eachother, which is exactly how it was when me and her were growing up. Bailey use to live in Springfield but then her dad got a job in Georgia, so thats why they moved. Bailey came to visit in July, and it was like we totally have a new relationship now. Bailey and I have both grown up so much, and I love the person she is. She has turned into a wonderful person, seriously.  On my dads side, I only have Bailey and Melissa. I really only talk to those two.

The cousins I have on my mothers side I don't really speak to. They all live in Texas, and are just completely different people. I honestly don't think most of my cousins on my moms side have graduated. In case you didn't know, Im hispanic, and most people know that mexicans aren't very driven individuals.

Christmas

This past Christmas was probably the best Christmas I have ever had for multiple reasons.  Usually I spend Christmas morning by myself. Don't feel bad for me...that is not the intended purpose of this.
Ever since I could have a job, Ive always had two. Having two jobs usually caused me to be working on Christmas Eve. My dad and Michelle always goes to her familys for Christmas Eve. Michelles family owns a christmas tree farm and so my dad always goes and helps out. Then they come home Christmas day in the evening where we have family dinner. Sometimes I see my mother on Christmas but not usually. Anyway Sawyer was home for Christmas, so we spent Christmas Eve together. He gave me probably the best present ever which were princess cut diamond earrings. Once again, I am getting off track here, anyway, Christmas morning we went over to his familys house for breakfast. His family is basically my family as well, and being with them makes me want to have a huge family. But this was the best Christmas because I finally was around people I loved all day. That being said, nobody really should be alone on Christmas.

Mom

Im sitting here, takSing this in. When strangers see this picture, what do they think? Oh she looks just like her mother, they look happy, they look close. Almost every time somebody sees a picture of my mother and I, the reaction we get is of how much we look a like. Although I resemble my mother, she is everything I do not want to be.
Sometime after the divorce my mother changed, and not for the better. No, she did not become some alcoholic, druggy mother. She just lost sight of who she was, and stopped being a parent. I can't be around my mom for a long period of time, because we just end up having a little spat about something. She feels as though I hate her, and likes to play the victim card a lot. She thinks Im a very cold individual because I don't hug her, give her a kiss, or tell her I love her. My mom has to ask me to say or do those things, and only sometimes do I actually do it. Sad right?
When I look at my mother, I feel a lot of anger towards her, and I just want to so badly explode at her. I do love my mother, but Im just very closed off with emotions.

FLORIDA

Right after I graduated highschool in 2011, I went on vacation to Florida with one of my good friends Chelsea. It was pretty awesome, my dad rented us a condo off the beach for the entire time. Chels and I would get up around ten and just head directly for the beach, and just bake in the sun almost all day. That explains why Im almost black in this picture haha . We did the usual things like shopping, and dining out. The coolest thing we probably did was we went parasailing. Chelsea is scared of heights but let me tell you, she was a trooper through is. Having your legs dangling in the air with open ocean underneath you is a little intimidating, but it's worth it. I recommend parasailing to anyone! This vacation was pretty chill, and Id kill to go back. We went to Panama City Beach over springbreak and I think that may have been a tad bit crazy for me. Ill stick to chill anyday.

Michelle

 

This is Michelle. My dad has been dating her since I was a freshman in high school. It took me a long time to get use to her. We always use to butt heads with eachother. I can definately say I have challenged her, and I am very thankful that she has stuck around with my dad for so long. Now that me and Michelle actually have a realtionship, I love her. She is probably the best thing to ever happen to my dad, besides my brother and I of course. haha.

Michelle does so many things with my dad, and definately has broadened my dads horizons. Since they have been together, they have gone to Cabo, Vegas, Republic Dominica, Bahamas, Arizona, Florida, and Georgia. Yeah it sucks that I don't really get to go out of the states with them, BUT my time will come sooner or later. Her and my dad are seriously perfect for eachother. She smokes and drinks, just like my dad. She also does so much for my dad, like make him lunch, dinner, watches tv with him, and goes places with him. She does things for my dad that my mother never did. I hope they get married, cause me and Mike are getting older, and we won't be around dad as much as we use to be.

Ink

I recently got a tattoo under my left boob that says "Believe In Those You Love". I feel very sneaky, because my dad only knows about one tattoo. I have gone from one tattoo to four. Most people say, that I'll regret them when Im older. Truth is, nobody is going to be pretty when they're old. Everyone gets wrinkled, saggy, etc. I have a lot of issues with LOVE. I know the root, and to the extent it stems.
I'll answer the question of why I got this.
Cause it was cool, just kidding, I have a legit reason.

To believe means to have confidence in the truth, existense, or the reliability of something. And even though things are constantly changing and nothings for certain, I will ALWAYS have the confidence, reliability, and existence in the people I love.

Then there was Alexxxxx

Through Ashley, I met my other best friend Alex. Alex is seriously one of the craziest girls I know. Like Ashley, Alex is almost the same person I am. WE all are super sarcastic, and it just works for us. We are all blunt individuals, but we never get into fights.
Alex has always been there for me. She came to my house at 3 in the morning when Sawyer decided to break up with me. She came to get me out of bed when my other ex boyfriend had suddenly died. She has always had to pick me up when I was broken. Alex and I are both single,and together our nights can get pretty wild. We love having fun, and we are just doing what nineteen year olds should be doing. Thinking about life without these girls, is just not imaginable.

My dad is pretty much the bees knees

So when I was in fifth grade, my parents started arguing a lot. I didn't really have a relationship with my dad. I always thought he was the bad guy, cause I always saw him yelling. My mom and I did everything together. It was no shock when my parents started the divorce process. My brother was 21 and I was 14. It came down to who I wanted to live with. I chose my dad. I wanted a relationship with my dad, I wanted to keep my dog, and I didn't want to change schools. Living with my dad at first wasn't easy. He was under a lot of stress and I had to grow up rather quickly. There were plenty of times I would just cry, because I missed my mom, and I hated being home alone all the time. My dads workshift was 5 p.m to 3 a.m. Over time, my dad became my best friend. We went to the lake all the time together, we went grocery shopping, and it was just me and my dad in it together. Our relationship became very strong, while my mothers and I's is almost not existent.

I am so thankful to have my dad. He is there for me through anything. Most people think its crazy, that Im able to talk to my dad about  everything. He doesn't give me the best relationship advice in the world, but the only part that matters is that he tries.

Sawyer Vincent

In middle school, I had the biggest crush on this kid named Sawyer Vincent, but he paid no attention to me. I was a late bloomer, and guys didn't really like me until high school. Sawyer and I started dating when at the very beginning of our junior year. He was the first and only relationship I have had where Ive said I love you. I always thought this was just puppy love, and that this would go away rather soon, but I was wrong. My love for this kid has stayed strong for three years. Sawyer broke up with me our senior year, and we didn't date again until he was leaving for bootcamp. He wanted me to wait for him, and I wanted to be with him so badly. I went to every graduation Sawyer had and I went to Georgia anytime I could. Long story short, Sawyer reverted back to his old ways, which was texting girls he use to "hook up" with. Countless times I caught Sawyer up to no good this past year, and I just looked the other way. That is how bad I wanted us to work. He flew me to Washington in June, a month before he was going to deploy, and asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes.
With him deployed, he completely changed. He hardly would talk to me, and would talk to his friends before me. I couldn't handle it. I wasn't happy. I did the inevitable,and I ended it with him. For once, I broke up with Sawyer.

Even though this only happened about two months ago, it's still fresh for me. I miss him like crazy, and I love him, but I don't deserve any of that.

My Best Friend

Last year my ex boyfriend was in bootcamp around this year. In every letter he sent me, he always talked about this guy named Wes, who happened to be his best friend. Wes and Sawyer had a weekend pass coming up and they wanted Ashley and I to come see them, cause they hadn't seen us in a few months. Ashley is Wes's girlfriend, and at the time we had no idea who eachother were, nor had we heard of one another. Wes and Ashley are from Nixa and Sawyer and I are from Willard. Both the guys wrote us with simple instructions, and it was to find eachother on Facebook and to get a hold of eachother. They both wrote in our letters, they hoped this would work and they hoped we would like eachother. I added Ashley on Facebook, and sent her a message. We met for the first time the night before we were about to embark on a 12 hour car ride to Georgia. Ashley and I hit it off so well, we were exactly like eachother. We have been through so much, and we are the best of friends now!

Wes and Sawyer are both in Afghanistan right now. Before they deployed, we both went up to Seattle, Washington where they are stationed, and Wes proposed to Ashley!Im so excited to be her maid of honor, Sawyer will be Wes's best man. It was so awesome. Ashley and I know we are going to be best friends forever as cheesy as that sounds. We just have this bond that nobody else will break. We relate to eachother so well. Ashley and I got best friend tattoos. Her half says "To Infinity", and mine reads "And Beyond". Call us stupid for marking our bodies, but we will always be there for eachother no matter what. Let me tell you, it has been quite the ride.

My dog Buddy

I know Buddy probably looks really sad and helpless in this picture, but Im telling you he loved being Batdog. We use to have a dog named Sable, and anytime I tried to get her in a sweater or anything she would just take it off. I bought this costume yesterday to lighten the mood around our household. It worked. The costume came with a cape, ears (obviously), and little buff shoulder pads. It was between Batdog, or a little cheerleading outfit. Buddy is a boy, but I swear he's a girl. He hardly ever growls, is super sweet, and just behaves like a girl dog.

Buddy played in the yard in his costume, took many photos, and was just being adorable. I mainly played fetch with him for the sole purpose of seeing his little black cape fly in the wind. Unfortunately, his cape fell to one side. After about an hour, I finally took his costume off. My dad and his girlfriend are planning on taking Buddy to a Halloween party this weekend, so people should get a kick out of this.

I Hate....

Things I hate......
these girls in the back row to my left, they are so loud and annoying.
people that make me wait. I hate to wait.
people who chew their gum horribly loud.
people who chew with their mouths open.
people who resend texts or text me again if i don't text back.
pre-packaged blueberry muffins.



I don't consider myself a huge texter. I refrain from sending novels. I prefer to call people, and tell my story, just so they can get the full effect of everything. I send a lot of five worded texts, so they're very small. NOW my issue are boy texters. If I don't feel like talking don't resend me that text again. And if I still don;t respond, don't send me a new text with a different topic. Can these boys not take the hint?

In With The New, Out With The Old

I use to think that I would never feel a certain way about anyone else. I always felt like giving up on people that I had just met. I didn't want to "waste my time", when I knew this would go nowhere. I was hooked on my ex-boyfriend. I compared everything a guy would do or say, to what Sawyer had said or done previously. Truth is, it gets you nowhere. You're not allowing yourself to really get over someone.

EGO

I've met a lot of different "egos" here and there. Many people lack confidence, are insecure, shy, or really they just have no existence because they don't put themselves out there. Then I have met people who are just so full of themselves. I know its wonderful to love yourself, but when people are constantly sitting there saying "Im so pretty, I  look better than her, Im the prettiest girl in our friend group", with a straight face, Im just like get over yourself. If you are pretty into yourself, Im going to go ahead and say, you most likely don't have many friends. Self absorbed people really get me tickin. The world doesn't revolve around you by any means. Just because something happened to you, doesn't mean the world stopped turning for us. Perhaps self absorbed people are just carrying a front. Or is self absorbed actual?
My ego varies daily. I like to think Im a confident person overall. But there are a few things that really make me feel insecure.

I refer to the lady who lives at the end of my street as the "cat lady". I have my reasons as to why she is called that. This lady fits the name. Shes an avid gardener. Anyway. This woman bought her daughter a house in our cul-de-sac. The daughter is also quite the gardener. I must say both of the yards are a little to much for me. Cat lady and her daughter went on vacation to Florida, and asked me to take care of her cats, meaning feed them, and clean out kitty litter. The next day I go over. Little did I know, that I would be hit in the face with the most un welcoming smell. The air reeked of urine and just nasty things. All her cats started gathering around me. Seriously, Im not a fan of cats, they kind of creep me out. I didn't know that the cat lady had five litter boxes in her house either. This was the worst experience of my life. Never ever do I want to take care of cats, AGAIN.

March 25

I woke up at 9:26 today. Four minutes till my actual alarm was suppose to go off.  Reaching for my phone like I do every morning, I turned off my alarm. I finally got out of bed and made my way to the shower. After showering, I brushed my teeth, put some toner and then moisterizer on my face. Blew dry my hair, then straightened it. Finally put my work clothes on which I might add are rather comfy. I finally walked into the kitchen to grab some food for the long day I had ahead of me. My dad called me, which made me mad. I hate when anyone calls me when I'm getting ready cause I dont have that much time. I can get ready an in hour, with no disturbances. I don't text or mess with my phone at all. This is crucial time haha. After it being 10:30, it was time for me to leave. I grabbed my car keys, locked the front door, unlocked my car, threw all my stuff in the seat and then started my car. I  drove the usual way to work. Which is West By Pass to the James River Highway, take the national exit , drive down national, take a right on walnut. Boom youre at my work. I walked through the door of the business and I knew it was bound to be a busy day. From 11-7 I worked non stop, helping customers, doing shipment, answering the phone, ringing up customers. The day flew by! Before I knew it, I was already counting the register down, waiting to batch. Finally at seven i locked the door, turned the lights off, and went out the back door. Got in my car, and realized I needed gas. Its one of those things where you know you should have done it before work. I finally drove home, ate dinner, brushed my teeth, laid in bed and went to sleep city. It was only about 8:15. SAD.


I worked the majority of Tuesday.

From the sounds of it, you would think Im really busy. And it probably sounds like I have no life on Tuesdays. But its true, 11-7 kicks my butt.I feel like an old person. Young people aren't suppose to get this tired this easily. I dont even think i have time to think

Fear

FEAR

My biggest fear is growing up and being alone and never getting married. I want to be married at some point although I hear being married isn’t all cracked up as people make it sound. As im getting older im realizing how much work is needed to make a relationship work. Im fearful of divorce. Ive seen it happen with my mom and dad. I don’t want it to have the same effect on my children and have it scar them. Im probably the least affectionate person in the world. I decided to live with my dad, and since I lived with my dad obviously I wasn’t hugging my dad all the time or telling him I loved him. My mom and i stopped being so close to eachother. She holds a grudge saying that the reason why we are the way we are is because I chose to live with my dad. To be honest I don’t even know who my mother is. Shes done

a lot of things in the past that me and my brother don’t really approve of. We question who this mother is. I feel like she thought she was done raising me. And she doesn’t even really talk to me all that much. Its only when I call her. I get mad at her easily. And I feel bad when my mom asks me to tell her I love her. But I just can’t. Its not that I don’t love her. I do. But I just don’t like to say it.